“Success is how we live every day, every moment. It is our ability to love, be passionately engaged. It is being willing to sacrifice for what we love, be caring, teachable and share what we learn and minister to others. It’s how we live every day, not what we accomplish.”
Laura Lane from ‘I Touch the Heavens’
In my grade 12 year in high school, I went down to the guidance office to complain that something was wrong. I was struggling in school. I had failing grades. I had to repeat Math and English not once but twice. I knew I was smart but why was I having such a hard time. I asked my guidance counsellor to find out if I had a learning disability.
After a battery of tests, what came back was that yes, I was smart – almost Mensa level smart with a pattern recognition in the 99th percentile. But only I had a low C average in my courses. My test results were not reflecting what I knew. The tests pointed out that my short-term memory was a problem, and my vocabulary was below average, but we had no definitive answer as to why.
I didn’t have ADHD. I wasn’t on the autism spectrum. I wasn’t neuro diverse. They simply said, “we’ll give you more time for taking tests and when it is feasible you can have oral assignments instead of written assignments.” It helped and I finally graduated in my Grade 13 year.
It wasn’t until years later when I learned about the impacts of various traumas, especially childhood trauma, that it finally made sense as to why I had struggled in school. At age 9, I had lived through a car accident that killed both my mother and sister. Previous to that my parents were divorced. I changed homes to living with my father, a stepmother who didn’t want me, and a stepbrother who molested me. I was sent halfway across the world to live with my uncle and cousins, then sent back again only to end up in a foster home situation. That’s a pretty high ACE score.
No wonder I had a difficult time in school. These were serious issues holding me back. But as far I knew none of those stressors were listed on my learning disabilities report. No one explained that such a high level of stress was causing forgetfulness, confusion, and difficulty concentrating. I didn’t sleep well which certainly compounded the situation. It created a perfect storm of disfunction when it came to learning and preparing for higher education.
So why do I share this? On the surface it looked like I was just a lazy student who wasn’t studying or applying herself, but the truth was that there were underlying causes to the difficulties I was experiencing.
How many times in our lives do we make judgements of others not knowing or understanding everything that they have gone through, the full story or circumstances? On the surface we see their addictions, bad habits, what we perceive as laziness, or unwillingness to work hard or integrate into society. We see a drug addict, a gambling problem, a rough tough biker or gang member, a lazy welfare recipient, a homeless bum.
We tell ourselves that we are not like them, we would make better decisions if we were in their shoes. We work hard for a living and so should they. If we give them money, they will just use it for drugs. If we try to help them, they might steal from us or harm our family. We feel justified in looking away. It’s just too hard a problem to solve and anyways, there are programs out there to help them.
When we make these assumptions, we stop seeing the truth of who they are. The majority of people who struggle in this life do so because they have experienced terrible traumas that they are ill equipped to deal with. The homeless man standing on the corner begging for money, dulls the pain with alcohol and drugs because he can’t cope with the nightmares since he returned from serving as a soldier. He can’t hold down a job because the PTSD is too much to cope with and the veteran’s pension doesn’t even pay enough for rent.
We have no idea what other people are going through.
Throughout time there have always been people on the fringe of society, undesirables, and outcasts as well the underprivileged. How we treat those less than us defines our society and us individually as people. Today’s term for it is DEI – Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. We hear a great deal about DEI in business. How are we supporting our employees in the workplace so everyone can succeed and advance in their careers?
But the next question is how do we apply DEI principles to our daily life? Jesus was the foremost expert on that. He lifted everyone around him. He surrounded himself with poor fishermen, tax collectors, commoners, adulterers, sinners and outcasts, Samarian and Jews alike. He did not shy away from healing the lepers or those afflicted with evil spirits. He loved and taught them all equally.
How can we do the same? Can we befriend those who are different than us, be it nationality, race, religion, political, wealth or social status, sexual orientation, physical mental, intellectual, emotional or spiritual abilities?
How diverse is your friendship circle? Do you treat everyone you meet equally and fairly? Do you make an effort to include others and share with them your abundance? Do you love and accept those who have made different lifestyle choices than you?
Are you willing to get to know people, get close enough to them to learn their story so you can better love and accept them? What do you need to do to diversify your social circle?
“When Jesus said, ‘Love Your Neighbour!’ He knew your neighbour would Act, Look, Believe, and Love differently that you. It’s kind of the whole point!”
Toby Mac